Practice responding with "I" language
Also a good rule,
NO TALKING DURING PROBLEM TIMES
Years ago we had Sheryn Hara come to our home and teach us about the effectiveness of “I” language. During problem times the most effective way to defuse the temperature of a heated discussion is to answer by describing how the accusations make us feel.
In our household it isn't always dialogue. It's also tone and body language. Times when one doesn't feel good with low energy or over-sensitivity are times to be careful.
Avoid, “You make me feel…”
“I feel…” followed by words like disappointed, frustrated, scared, abused, belittled, berated, betrayed, bitter, broken, cheated, condemned, deceived, degraded, humiliated, inadequate, inferior, insignificant, insulted, mistreated, persecuted, rejected, robbed, scorned, small, squashed, stifled, tormented, tortured or wounded, controlled, judged, manipulated, owned, powerless, repressed, trapped, used, victimized, violated, intimidated or even exploited work the best.
When I’m feeling hurt: abused, belittled, berated, betrayed, bitter, broken, cheated, condemned, deceived, degraded, humiliated, inadequate, inferior, insignificant, insulted, mistreated, persecuted, rejected, robbed, scorned, small, squashed, stifled, tormented, tortured or wounded are good words to remember.
Words for sadness might include: blue, bummed, crushed, defeated, dejected, demoralized, destroyed, disappointed, discontented, discouraged, disheartened, disillusioned, dismal, grieving, gloomy, heartbroken, helpless, hopeless, let down or pessimistic.
When I can’t think of the right words, which is often, the best is to follow the rule: NO TALKING DURING PROBLEM TIMES.
When I talk with parents, I suggest making a date with their kid and have the discussion about adjustments to their behavior in a public place. The suggestion also holds for the parents and adults.